


I Believe Myself to Be

by soaringoffthedeepend



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Johnlock - Freeform, Johnlock Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:23:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soaringoffthedeepend/pseuds/soaringoffthedeepend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sherlock takes John to Angelo's (after S3 but no major spoilers) and loses the words he planned to tell John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Believe Myself to Be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kate/gifts).



   "Dinner?" Sherlock asked in a rush. His violin still set under his chin.  
   John looked up over his laptop to see Sherlock's silhouette against the orange glow of the window, staring for a moment. Sherlock was still, gazing out of the window, through dizzling rain, at a cab pulling up outside 221B. He stretched while checking his watch, late, but not terribly.  
   "Yeah," he put his laptop on top of the table beside his chair and stood, "What would you like?" He stepped into the kitchen.  
   "Where are you going?" Sherlock called, setting the violin in his chair.  
   "To cook..." John said in confusion, "You want to go out?"  
   "That's what I was suggesting."  
   "Sherlock, it's like-"  
   "Eleven thirty, I know," he nodded.  
   John gave him a long stare, the lowered his gaze with a sigh, "All right, where to then?"  
   "Angelo's," he said with a hint of joy in his tone.

   "Billy," Sherlock acknowledged the waiter as he and John stepped into Angelo's.  
   Billy was simply able to extend an arm to the table by the window, knowing it was the table Sherlock preferred. John immediately noticed the following: 1. They sat at the same table as the first time they were here, though he always noticed that when he came here. 2. No one else but Billy and Angelo were with them. 3. An already lit candle was on the table, just this one. He suddenly felt awkward, thrown into a new situation.  
   "So, why have you brought me here?" John beckoned, folding his hands over the menu he- nor Sherlock- needed anymore.  
   "I thought you would like to eat out tonight," Sherlock seemed less distracted than usual.  
   John chuckled softly, "Seriously, is this for a case?"  
   "What- no, we just solved one!" That didn't convince him, so Sherlock added softly, "Honestly, I thought you you'd like it."  
   John shifted uncomfortably, "Right, okay."  
   They gave each other the same looks exchanged their first time at Angelo's together.  
   Angelo came over, beaming with joy, to personally take their orders. Though he hardly needed to, they were frequent customers, but Sherlock had asked him to keep it professional tonight. Once the orders were placed, they sat in a draining silence for a minute or so. John kept glancing at Sherlock- who was tapping his fingers and looking around outside. John followed his gaze, just some cars, a few stragglers, and a heavy rain. Then looked down to his hands, tapping his own fingers.  
Sherlock cleared his throat, catching John's attention, "John, the truth is... I brought you here to tell you something," he spoke gentle and paused to weigh his next word, "significant."  
   "Well, okay," John interjected when Sherlock didn't continue.  
   "I... um-"  
   Angelo reappeared, quickly leaving the food beside untouched glasses of red wine (which no one else had noticed Billy brought). The stare between the two partners was cut short. Very unlike himself, Sherlock dove into his food. John, also rather unlike himself, slowly poked at his food without intention to eat it.  
   "Sherlock, what- are you all right?"  
   "Hm? Yes, fine. Can you pass the cheese?"  
   Beginning to blush, he passed it to the detective, fingers just lightly brushing, "Can you tell me what you were going to say now?"  
   Sherlock was very torn by this question. On one hand he could pass it off as a stupid, spontaneous thing, and on the other hand, he could just take the damn chance and _say it_. "Never mind, it's nothing."  
   "What? No, Sherlock, you brought me here at eleven thirty, not for a case, to tell me something significant, and I think I deserve to know what," Sherlock was pale, unresponsive, "Are you seeing someone?"  
   Sherlock jumped at this, "No, God, it's.. no."  
   "I think you are," John wasn't even grinning.  
   "Well you're wrong. I'm sorry, this was a stupid idea," Sherlock placed a thirty on the table and was just about to get up.  
   "Wait- Sherl-" John lightly laid his fingers on Sherlock's wrists. It was enough to get him to lean back into the booth, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean... You can tell me _whatever_ it is you want to."  
   Before he could realize it, Sherlock turned his palm over to take John's in his own.  
   "John," he focused on their hands, "I had hoped you would be able to.. assume what I want to tell you so that I wouldn't have to say it," _finding the right words, always a nuisance,_ "I now realize that won't happen and I am now extremely nervous, but I'll tell you." He looked at John staring at him and knew that he no longer need to continue, but he did ( _Find the right words!_ ). "John Hamish Watson, I- long story short- am, well, I believe myself to be-" he inhaled deeply, "in love with you." He yearned for something to show in John's eyes to tell him he hadn't made a massive mistake.  
John blinked a few times, then sighed in relief (and tried to hide the fact that he now had chills), "William Sherlock Scott Holmes, I- knowing this is long overdue- am... completely in love with you, too."  
   Sherlock smiled first. He had planned a whole speech about how it was a huge leap, admitting his emotions toward John. All the words flew out of his head as soon as he asked _"Dinner?"_. It seemed to wordy now, anyway. John smiled back, running his thumb across Sherlock's fingertips. The two of them avoided the other's gaze when unanticipated tears burned behind their eyes.  
   "We should- uh- finish before it gets to late," Sherlock slowly removed his hand from John's.  
   John agreed, picking up his fork, "but... I was hoping we could just go back to the flat."  
   "Mm, okay, your choice," he grabbed his coat.  
   He held the door for John, the two of them still smiling. Several small events followed.  
   1. John ran his hand along the door, meeting Sherlock's hip.  
   2. Both of them suddenly understood why couples kissed against buildings at night.  
   3. John pushed Sherlock around the corner and held Sherlock's head so it wouldn't hit the wall too hard.  
   4.Lighting exploded among the clouds, illuminating the night momentarily.  
   5. Sherlock kissed John. He held John close, around the torso and hips. John's hands in Sherlock's hair and against his shoulder.  
   "I love you," John mumbled against Sherlock's lips.  
   "I love you, too," Sherlock slowly lifted his head, "Maybe we should walk."  
   "Agreed," John wrapped his hand his Sherlock's.

"Dear John,  
   I meant to tell you all of this that night at Angelo's. Of course I was already planning to tell you I love you, but I had much more planned. Being there, with you, holding your hand, made it much more difficult. Impossible, really.  
   That's all beside my point. I realize telling you "I love you" is a large step in any relationship. Especially since we haven't even dated. Though I'm sure you're aware our relationship is much more complex than such an average one. I suppose that's the reason I felt I the need to come out and say it.  
   In short, John, I don't think I could live without you, nor will I ever want to. I'm sorry I made you do so those many years ago, and then nearly again. I do love you, and thank you.  
   -SH"

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, Kate for giving me a deadline THAT I BEAT BY A WHOLE WEEK!  
> This was originally written for a contest (Pass the Cheese) which I decided not to enter.


End file.
